FIFTY SHADES OF HOW TO BE PREPARED TO WATCH FIFTY SHADES

£7.50 to see what everyone has been talking about for 1000 years? Yes. Am I proud to admit that? No. I was bored and it was Friday and it was Friday and I was bored, so I dragged my flatmates along to Fifty Shades (I say dragged but I knew Jason would fancy Jamie Dornan and Amy would secretly like it). He does and she did. She didn’t think it was shit at all.

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I’ll narrow it down..

Worst parts? The film.

Best parts? Well….

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I could just stare at that for eternity. But I’d like to think I have more brain cells than that. I probably don’t.

IN PREPARATION

  • Take someone or someONES that will laugh at the cringey parts. If you can keep a straight face at “I don’t make love. I fuck, hard.” Your face must be made of stone.
  • Don’t feel embarrassed that you’re watching it, because if you know you will be, don’t go!
  • The majority of the audience will be women (mostly over 30s) I’m speaking from experience. And I am in no way whatsoever saying it’s a bad thing, as when Christian carried Ana out of the playroom an older lady in the screen shouted, “She’s FUCKED!” And everyone was in stitches.
  • Don’t take this film too seriously, ask yourself, “Is this going to happen at some point in my life?” Because I can tell you one thing, it will not be happening in mine. But then again, neither of us are Mystic Meg.

If you have read the trilogy, know that you’re in for a spot of disappointment, as the movie’s plot mixes with the first book as much as oil and water. But you could say they’re saving the storyline for the next film. If they come up with one by then.

So, what have I taken away from Fifty Shades?

Chart music, cringe quotes, a few tips on BDSM, along with a mental image of Dakota Johnson’s boobs, and a very necessary laugh with my flatmates who said they will not be going back to watch it anytime soon. But how do I know they’re not watching it online in the comfort of their own rooms?

If I find out, I’ll let you know.

Thanks for reading! When was the last time you watched something on the big screen?

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